I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
