stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize