why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
