so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
