Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
