I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
