I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
