I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i out mim tonsoeep
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