You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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