I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
she woke up with a sticky ear
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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