I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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