Dual....:-)
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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