How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
