JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
