3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
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You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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