I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
