i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
