Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
