last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
