You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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