Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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