I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
