Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
