well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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