Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
