Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
