margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
