the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
nutella sex= disaster
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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