There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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