There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Randomize
