He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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