Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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