Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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