Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
my being single is dangerous.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Randomize
