he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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