He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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