your thong is hanging out like whoa
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
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