i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
