I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
