Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
