Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
