It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
