Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
