I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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