Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
