Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
