Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She said her name was "party"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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