I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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