Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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