I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
