I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
