Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
