??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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