i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
