I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
