I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
