idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
