im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
