That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
