it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
