this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
