if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm jealous of your bromance
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
