I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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