well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
