Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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