I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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