yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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