oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I looked at my own cervix.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
