I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
