dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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