dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
