Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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