she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
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Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
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I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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