so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
