careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
