Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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