hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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