Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
