rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
