My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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