I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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