...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
