If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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